I endured abuse as a child. I'm sure most people today have some scars from some sort of dysfunction in their early family life. My purpose here is not to tell horror stories, but I will tell you about how it has affected my life.
My father was and still is an alcoholic. I was never angry at him for it. Alternately I felt sorry for him. He is a good man who loved his children and tried to teach them values. His addiction and relative lack of social skills led him to be distant, unreliable, and angry. My mother who felt guilty for what we had to go through because of his alcoholism and their relationship was very emotionally distant. I was the oldest of 6 and felt responsible for everyone's happiness and well-being. I'm not looking for sympathy. I am actually grateful for my trials and the empathy and determination I have learned through them. I will say that I had some serious scars.
My fist marriage was ruined by my lack of self-love and trust issues. Then, the divorce, nearly killed me. I had sworn that my children would never have to endure divorce, but didn't know how to do anything different. The truth is that we only know what we live until we learn something new, and we either change or cave. The pain made me cave, and then change.
Getting rid of the insecurities and fears of my ego will be a lifelong process. But I can say that I can talk about my past now without tears. And, in contrast to the average 2nd marriage stats, mine is going really well. I credit this to being willing to look at my own faults.
I have always looked for ways to overcome my severe insecurities and deep-seated beliefs of being less-than or unlovable. I could recognize them, but had no idea how to change them. I am a very religious person, so I turned to my teachings there first. But, have been open to any new teaching or method that aligned with my current beliefs and offered hope.
It's funny how life throws things your way at just the right time. I had found yoga, meditation, service, loving 8 kids unconditionally, and endurance events helpful. But it wasn't until I learned and applied the principles of the Law of Attraction in my business that so many of my fears and limitations were lifted.
The bottom-line in actually changing my MIND -that is all of those deeply ingrained inhibiting beliefs was quite simply gratitude and the decision to be happy. Yes, it sounds simple and it is. Why is that so hard for so many to find and grasp then? I think it is just that we think we are going to get something out of being miserable. Like, sympathy or revenge. We don't want to let our abusers off the hook. Well, guess what? WE weren't the ones who put them there, and we cant take them off. They'll have to do that for themselves. And, we think that healing takes so much time and effort. It really just takes a decision.
Yes, we all have something to be grateful for on any given day, and probably any given hour. When you start thinking negatively again, think of the 5 billion people in the world right now that you wouldn't trade places with!
You are a human being, not a human DOING. So, stop trying to do things to make yourself feel better. Just BE. We learned more about what this means when visiting Ethiopia to get our two youngest children. In the face of poor living conditions, lack of food, and an orphan epidemic due to AIDS, most people were happy. They had discovered through tough circumstance that it is not circumstance that determines happiness, it is your mindset (or soulset), and a decision to be happy.
I don't want to sound as if I am judging anyone who is lost in depression for whatever reason. I have been there. I know that healing sometimes takes time and work. My hope is to get even one person there faster than me. Time is wasting. Start living life the way God intended. "Men are that they might have joy
My father was and still is an alcoholic. I was never angry at him for it. Alternately I felt sorry for him. He is a good man who loved his children and tried to teach them values. His addiction and relative lack of social skills led him to be distant, unreliable, and angry. My mother who felt guilty for what we had to go through because of his alcoholism and their relationship was very emotionally distant. I was the oldest of 6 and felt responsible for everyone's happiness and well-being. I'm not looking for sympathy. I am actually grateful for my trials and the empathy and determination I have learned through them. I will say that I had some serious scars.
My fist marriage was ruined by my lack of self-love and trust issues. Then, the divorce, nearly killed me. I had sworn that my children would never have to endure divorce, but didn't know how to do anything different. The truth is that we only know what we live until we learn something new, and we either change or cave. The pain made me cave, and then change.
Getting rid of the insecurities and fears of my ego will be a lifelong process. But I can say that I can talk about my past now without tears. And, in contrast to the average 2nd marriage stats, mine is going really well. I credit this to being willing to look at my own faults.
I have always looked for ways to overcome my severe insecurities and deep-seated beliefs of being less-than or unlovable. I could recognize them, but had no idea how to change them. I am a very religious person, so I turned to my teachings there first. But, have been open to any new teaching or method that aligned with my current beliefs and offered hope.
It's funny how life throws things your way at just the right time. I had found yoga, meditation, service, loving 8 kids unconditionally, and endurance events helpful. But it wasn't until I learned and applied the principles of the Law of Attraction in my business that so many of my fears and limitations were lifted.
The bottom-line in actually changing my MIND -that is all of those deeply ingrained inhibiting beliefs was quite simply gratitude and the decision to be happy. Yes, it sounds simple and it is. Why is that so hard for so many to find and grasp then? I think it is just that we think we are going to get something out of being miserable. Like, sympathy or revenge. We don't want to let our abusers off the hook. Well, guess what? WE weren't the ones who put them there, and we cant take them off. They'll have to do that for themselves. And, we think that healing takes so much time and effort. It really just takes a decision.
Yes, we all have something to be grateful for on any given day, and probably any given hour. When you start thinking negatively again, think of the 5 billion people in the world right now that you wouldn't trade places with!
You are a human being, not a human DOING. So, stop trying to do things to make yourself feel better. Just BE. We learned more about what this means when visiting Ethiopia to get our two youngest children. In the face of poor living conditions, lack of food, and an orphan epidemic due to AIDS, most people were happy. They had discovered through tough circumstance that it is not circumstance that determines happiness, it is your mindset (or soulset), and a decision to be happy.
I don't want to sound as if I am judging anyone who is lost in depression for whatever reason. I have been there. I know that healing sometimes takes time and work. My hope is to get even one person there faster than me. Time is wasting. Start living life the way God intended. "Men are that they might have joy
About the Author:
The author is a mom of eight, business owner and business coach. Please click on the link to learnhow you can incorporate healing through a home business
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